We Go Again – S.O.S

On Monday I returned to something I’d tried a year ago. Apophatic Prayer. A practice not of productivity, but of presence. A gentle faith rooted rhythm. A way to return to God not through striving, but through stillness.   

I stumbled onto the practice while reading an article in ‘Premier Christianity’ magazine this led to a deeper dive by purchasing the book mentioned in the article ‘Creating a Life with God’ by Daniel Wolpert. I call it ‘Sound of Silence’ taken from the title of the article, or S.O.S for short.

Here’s how I practice S.O.S:

Sit comfortably. Pick your anchor word. Set a timer (7 minutes).  

Open in prayer. Breathe in and out.   

When your mind wanders, return to your word.  

Then close with the Lord’s Prayer.  

The first time I tried, I heard His still, small voice: “I’m all around.” The wind outside tossed the trees like an orchestra. It felt like a divine symphony. I was held. Anchored. Blessed. But the days that followed weren’t always so melodic. Some mornings I snoozed. Some I sat in silence and felt… nothing. No revelation. No voice. Just me, showing up. Practicing presence. Wrestling with distractions. Wondering if I was doing it “right.” 

I questioned myself, my faith, my focus.  I felt the ache of wanting to connect and the frustration of not knowing how. I had moments where I felt like I failed. But even in those moments, I noticed growth.  I chose silence over noise. Breath over reaction. Prayer over panic. I remembered that prayer isn’t performance, it’s presence. And presence takes practice. As I reflect now, I have no idea why I stopped. If I had to guess it would be the excuse of life getting in the way which is no excuse at all.

The quiet return was a good start. I grabbed my little note book to quickly jot down. I found it helpful in the past to write a word or sentence of the moment. I then opened my Journal to write a bit more extensively and I noticed my last entry. July 28th. Deny yourself, take up your cross. I’d focused on “deny yourself” and even mapped it out. But today, I saw the word I’d missed “daily.” That one word reframed everything.

Take Up Your Cross and Follow Jesus

23 And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me… [ESV]

Now as I reflect, I’m not prioritising spending time with God. I let life become the excuse. I’ll just make a coffee first, followed by checking my phone to then doing several other things. I’m not denying myself at all.

The rest of the week happened and Monday was the only real effort I put in.

I do feel convicted! but I’m not going to give up or beat myself up. When my son’s football team is losing (or winning) we try and give them encouragement. One of the sayings is “We go again”. It’s perfect.